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Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 05:28 pm
I am so scared. I am scared to be by myself. I am when I am with other people. I don't feel safe at my house. I don't feel safe at school. I don't feel safe anywhere. Saturday I noticed a light brown car driving slowly by my house but when they would get infront of my neighbors house they would speed up. They did it all day. Then Sunday I seen him go by a couple of times again and I also noticed he was sitting up at the park. Then yesterday I was walking home from school and I took Hwy. 3. When I was walking as a habbit I tend to look at the cars that passes and I noticed that car pass me, but going the opposite direction. I just continued to look down and continue to walk. Then I heard a car pull up beside me and slow down. I turned and looked and it was that car. He rolled down his window and said to me "I just wanted to stop and tell you you're looking good today". I started freaking out I took off and was going more into the yards and away from the highway. I finally turned and looked and he had disappeared. What scared me most is that I didn't know him and he kept going by my house. Well my mom called the cops and reported it because there is a park by my house and there are always little kids walking by themselves going up there. Then this morning Joey, Heather, Matt (another person we give a ride in the morning to school), and I was sitting in the car in the lower level parking lot and I was okay. Then I glanced out the window and I saw the car go by slowly. I just don't feel safe right now. I don't know. Is that normal? I mean I could have been like kidnaped or some worse. Why am I feeling like this? There are people a hell of alot worse. I just don't know.

heh... Oct. 18th, 2004 @ 12:42 pm
YaY! Today is my birthday.....and I'm freaking sick. Mom says I have a stomach virus or something. Like all of a sudden I got this sharp pain in my stomch the like 3 or 4 hours later I started feeling nauseated (all the while the pain that was in my stomach was still there). So until 3 in the morning when mom finally found her effinagrin
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YaY! Today is my birthday.....and I'm freaking sick. Mom says I have a stomach virus or something. Like all of a sudden I got this sharp pain in my stomch the like 3 or 4 hours later I started feeling nauseated (all the while the pain that was in my stomach was still there). So until 3 in the morning when mom finally found her effinagrin<sp?> (it's a pill that makes you quit throwing up)I threw up 5 times. Plus the pain. I was miserable. Well I am feeling a good bit better. The pain is gone and I only feel alittle bit nauseated. Happy Happy birthday to me....heh. Well I am going to go lay down a little bit longer until Joey gets home from school.
Loser's Mood: nauseated

Oct. 8th, 2004 @ 04:55 pm
There is something majorly wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but I know there is. I think I may be getting depressed once again. I wish these feeling would go away. I wish they had never returned. I feel like I have let everyone down. Like I have done somthing to everyone to piss them off at me. I don't know what it may be, but I wish it would go away. I have been crying so much. All I do anymore when I get home is either eat, sleep, or cry. I don't know why I have been so emotional. Could I be getting depressed? Whenever I just sit and think I start thinking about everything. I am alone in this horrible world. What have I done to be like this? What have I done to people for them to hate me? I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. I hate this!!! Why does this fucken shit have to happen again....? I had another breakdown last night. I hate those as well. I am just glad I wasn't around anyone. I got so upset and crying for no reason. I got really depressed feeling so much I just wanted to grab the razor and make the pain go away....just to be hypnotized by my crimson blood going down my arm, but apparently I have more self control than what I thought. I didn't do anything. I think I may be pregnant because I have like 6 of the symptoms and everything that happened to Heather is happening to me and as you know Heather is pregnant. So yeah. I got a home pregnancy test from Dollar General and took it, but it came out negitive. Yet all these things are still happening and Joey thinks I still am. So I got online and looked up alot of shit and found out that the home pregnancy tests are always accurate. That alot of the times it shows up negitive when it is really positive so I am going to wait a week or so and take another one and if it comes out negitive then I am going to take it as it is. That I'm not because if it did mess up the first time then it should twice in a row. So if it did mess up and I am then it would show up positive. I don't know. Am I really ready to have a child of my own? Can I really handle it? I don't know. I don't know what to think or what to do. Yet again I am confused...big surprise...Nina confused...heh. Well this is enough typing right now. I am going to go.
Loser's Mood: indescribable

Sep. 16th, 2004 @ 08:53 pm
What is wrong with me? Can I not do anything right besides hurt the people I mostly care about? I have been contemplating about what R.J said. I believe it now. I am a whore. I mean come on. I have been called on many times without playing. These rumors have been sreading like a terrible stomach virus about how I fucked so -n- so. And that is all michael seems to want anymore. Is he really just going out with me because he heard I was a whore? That I was easy. I am not. Is all of this really true? Am I what everyone keep saying about me? Joey is pissed at me and all depressed because of me. Dylan is all depressed because of me. He is doubting whether or not to move down here. Things aren't really going all that good for me right now with Michael. And then all the shit with R.J....grr.! I dunno. My moods are coming back and I can't handle all this stress. All these rumors. All these people talking about me. Over at Heathers when she went in to get her text book I sat down by the tree and broke. Justin kept asking me what was wrong over and over, but I kept replying nothing. Obviously I was lying. Then he finally got me to tell him like normal. They just told me not to listen to them, but this has been going on for so long I am starting to believe it. I am a fayo-ass puta and can't do anything right. Plain and simple. I am fucken crying right now because my computer broke so I am on my moms and they think they fixed it but all of my pictures are GONE!!! Pictures are my life. I had mosre than a hundred. Really good ones. I just asked mom if they were gone or if they knew yet and she said probably. I am going to part with you now because I am so tired and feel like shit.

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